From the day you realise that you are pregnant, a lot of changes are happening within you. It is not just the fact that your body is busy at work trying to accommodate a growing baby but rather more on how your mind changes to prepare yourself for the upcoming arrival of your baby.
I found myself one such person. I never used to worry about the things I eat. I loved eating fast foods and all things made from cheese and pasta. I was selfish and wouldn't really take care of my body until I decided that I wanted to try and have a baby. When I decided to go ahead with IVF, I made sure I wasn't putting rubbish into my mouth and took note of what I ate. I made sure that I ate healthily and now that I am finally pregnant, I find myself a lot more careful with what I eat.
I am sure that many mothers will be able to relate the same way. It's like, one moment you are doing things for yourself, for your happiness, for your fun and the next moment,you think twice in everything you do and put your baby first. You no longer want to do things that will potentially harm your growing baby, so you stop smoking, or drinking or doing bungee jumping. Your baby's health and well being is constantly at the top of your mind. You worry about whether he or she is growing well. Are you eating well for both of you? You worry about whether lying on your stomach will harm your baby, or even squash it. No reassurance from anybody else is ever enough. You just worry. If you are like me, I am sure we belong to the majority of others who cannot stop worrying. When my mum knew I was in KKH because of the cramps, she was very worried. She kept calling my helper every half an hour to find out the status and when she knew I was alright, she was so relieved she wanted to cry. This is my mum. And I am 28. She still worries and I know, that will be me in a few months time.
I have learnt to lean very heavily on God for this whole journey. From the IVF to my current pregnancy. Without God, I will not be able to be so relaxed and calm about this. He has taught me to remember his promises and that when he gives you a present, He will not give you one that is already broken. He gives you the best and that is our God. It is very difficult at times especially when our faith is tested, but I find being around people who are the same believers of your religion helps you to keep up the faith. I still worry at times, but I find assurance in God and I believe that He is with my babies and is helping them to grow well in my womb. Knowing this helps me to be able to function with my daily activities and not be crippled by my fears.
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So I was woken up from my afternoon nap by a phone call from KKH. They wanted to reschedule my appointment from Thursday to Tuesday as they were quite overbooked on Thursday. I am hoping that we are able to hear our babies' heartbeat so that we know everything is well and happening as it should be. R is going to ask his boss if he is able to take some time off because this is equally important to him as well. This is our first pregnancy and we have waited so long for this. No way he is going to miss out on this. I think I am one of the few mothers who don't really experience nausea and horrible morning sickness. I do pee a lot more often, which I attributed to the hormones and the fact that I am drinking more than usual. I do have really sore boobs, but because they have grown larger and look so beautiful, it's a good exchange. I sleep a lot more and feel tired by 10pm even though I have napped a few hours ago. Other than that, I am beginning to feel a lot better and I think I am going to start going for evening walks starting from today!
I'm beginning to really miss staying at home with R. I miss having him around but I know that once the pregnancy is stable then I will move back to my own place. In the meantime, I shall continue being queen at my parents' place! Just to add on, I came across this website showing you the ultrasound scans of your baby in the first trimester. Cool shit! Go check it out. http://www.baby2see.com/development/ultrasound_sonogram/first_trimester_scans.html#week6
xoxo,
J.
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