Choosing the right gynae...

... can bring you peace and joy so that you can fully enjoy being pregnant while knowing that you're being cared for by the right person.


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This post came about because as you all already know, I have had a tough week 9 - week 13 of my pregnancy. I have been in and out of the hospital sometimes 2x a week and been hospitalised twice for the 'unexplained heavy bleeding'.

When I got pregnant and went to see Dr Sadhana, I was told since she does not do deliveries, she will recommend me to see her other colleague who does, Dr Matthew Lau. Now, before I proceed, please note that I am not condemning anyone in this post or saying anyone is incompetent. So I started my follow ups with Dr Lau. During the week 9 of my pregnancy, I started spotting followed by heavy bleeding which soaked through my panties. Of course the first few times it happened, I was pretty sure I was going to lose my babies. Doctors at KKH also termed this as threatened miscarriage. It was an emotional roller coaster for me those weeks and I prayed often, remembering God's promises to me. There will be no loss. My babies are warriors of God and will be a testament that God is all together mighty and powerful and that nothing can stand in His way if this is His will to give me these 2 wonderful miracles. I wished I had followed my heart's instinct and insisted a little more forcibly to my husband when I felt I should seek a second opinion. But R said we should continue with KKH because they already have my records and medical history so trying to be obedient, I listened.

It got to the point where I saw the huge blood clots I was passing out one visit to the hospital that made me absolutely resolute to see another doctor. I prayed asking God for wisdom in choosing one and then logged on to google. I came across a number of posts about Prof Biswas from NUH so I wasted no time in calling them to fix an appointment. I was due to see them on the 18th August. On the morning of that Saturday, we sent Bella over to my parent's place and then headed to NUH. We were being registered fairly quickly and the waiting time was about half an hour. It's a lot shorter than KKH and I liked the surroundings plus I had a nice sofa seat so I was comfortable. When it was my turn, we went in to a doc who looks very assuring and knowledgeable. I started off by telling him about my ivf and current situation and he immediately told us we could narrow the problem to 2 main causes. One is if the bleeding occurs outside the cervix, it can be solved very easily. The other is, if the bleeding don't come from outside the cervix, means it most likely came from the placenta, which to him, is more worrying. He then told us he will do an internal examination to access if there is any possible factors causing this bleeding. Note that I have not told him about the polyp found during the last visit to KKH. He inserted that awful thingy and opened me up and peered between my legs. OK, I know it's a lot of info, but I am sure some of you are reading this because you are preggy or going to be preggy and hence wanna know more. So I shall not hide gory details lest you think pregnancy is all ponies and unicorns. He peered in and saw the polyp and said that although it's small, it might be the cause of the bleeding. I didn't believe him at first, until he started to swab the polyp with gauze and each time he took them out, it will be soaked with blood. Imagine this was just from swiping at the polyp area. Prof Biswas then went on to explain that the polyp is a vestibular polyp so it's kind of linked to the blood vessels, hence each time it's irritated, it bleeds a fair bit. And if the blood does not come out, then it will coagulate and clot inside me, so of course I will be passing out clots!

He then continued to remove the polyp which was quick and painless but not comfortable. He also mentioned that there will be some slight bleeding for the next few days after the bleeding and he was right too. I'm still spotting a little here and there, but at least the blood is those brownish blood which I presume are old blood. I felt super at ease with this doctor and learnt more about my babies in one consultation than all the previous ones I have been to in KKH. He addressed my problems without mincing his words and likes to focus on the now and asked me not to think too far ahead. One problem at a time. Bottom line is, I like this doctor and I think he is assuring and knowledgeable. I will be seeing him again this coming Monday for a follow up and then update you guys again.

Onto happier stuff, there will be a couple of baby sales in Oct! Yay! This means shopping for all of us!!

Going to stop here. Hungry liao.

xoxo,

J.

Random thoughts..

1. I was doing some cleaning together with my mum's domestic helper in my house when I stepped into what I call the 'Tsunami Room'. It's currently a holding area for all sorts of nonsense I cannot be bothered to find a permanent place to store away nicely. I had half a mind to get down to it and start throwing away stuff and preparing the room for baby's arrival, but the mind is willing, my flesh is oh so weak. So I did what I a pregnant lady should do, shake my head, sigh and walk away. Hahaha.

2. I miss the quiet and the tranquillity of my own place in Punggol. I didn't have to put up with Jackye's (he's our family dog residing at my parent's place, who barks at almost anyone/everyone who walks by my house. Lucky for us, my parent's house is the 2nd last unit.) crazy sudden barks which also makes me jump and my heart race and his and Bella's rag fights. Essentially, it's 2 dogs playing tug-a-war with the kitchen floor rags and this always drives Rebecca, our domestic helper, absolutely nuts so she starts screaming at them and then... more noise. I only miss the fact that I only need to ask for food and she will bring it to me without having me to walk too much, hence the much needed 'bed rest'.

3. I keep hearing the screams of children (and their parents screaming back at them) coming from my neighbours and thank God I have 6 more months of peace and sanity before it's my turn.

4. I am looking at the fan, wondering if I should take it apart to wash. Then I remembered, I have the trump card to being absolutely lazy. Doc said I should be on bed rest, so... yippee!! One more thing to ask the husband to do. (especially since Monday is a public holiday)

5. I am thinking of publishing this post while ending it abruptly so I can go and take a nap. Seems like a perfect weather for one since it just rained and it's still nice and cool.

6. I am thinking if I should play Bingo on my ipad while abruptly publishing this post and then lying on my bed since it just rained and it's still nice and cool. Heh.

7. I am wondering if my stomach is going to get so big, I will be unable to see the steps of the stairs if I am going down.

8. Thank God or no more nausea, but hello to freaking indigestion!

9. I really think the sounds of the bus rumbling to the bus stop is super annoying and I wish I was smart enough to not choose a unit facing the road.

10. I love it when Bella squeezes herself next to me. She simply loves me so much she has to literally stick to my body.

11. I love the smell of fresh laundry. Really.. To the extend of buying any products named 'Fresh Linen'

12. I like the smell of rice. The uncooked ones. It brings back memories of my childhood where you can buy any amount of rice you require at the provision shop and it's just stored in the same gunny sacks it comes in. I always loved going to the back of the shop just to linger around the rice and smell it.

13. I hate it when my shit is too hard to be passed out without my bursting several vessels while getting a seizure from contorting my face or body so as to get the right angle for it to come out without tearing my a-hole.

14. Today is the first day of the 7th Lunar month. It's supposed to be a month where the Hungry Ghosts come out to find food. Scared already?

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Seriously ending this post abruptly. Don't even wanna include pictures this time round. I'm preggy and am emotional and I just don't feel like it. :)

xoxo,

J.

A letter to my babies.

Dear babies,

When you are old enough, mummy will show both of you this blog. This is mummy and daddy's journey to having the both of you as our children. I hope, that after reading this, you know that it is out of so much love from the both of us, that we welcome you to our family.

For some people, having babies is as easy as counting 1,2,3. It was not the case for us. We have tried everything within our capabilities, and yet after many months of constant disappointment and tears we have decided to seek external help. It wasn't easy. Doctor said mummy has PCOS. It means that I don't ovulate every month.If I don't ovulate, there's no target for daddy's sperms to swim to. So I was given medication to ovulate. This medication was said to cause ovarian cancer if taken for a long duration, but I was not scared. I only thought of the present, which is to ovulate so that mummy can be pregnant (if daddy's sperm reaches the target). Mummy had to go through so many rounds of blood test and internal examinations, each even more uncomfortable than the last. But I pushed on, because I wanted you. Doctors gave me more medication and those medication made me put on even more weight. I was nauseous and constantly had hot flushes and fainting spells, but it didn't stop me. Each month I would pray that this is it, I will be pregnant, but when my period came, I would sit on the toilet and shed tears of frustration and helplessness. People said I should try tcm. So I tried. We queued for hours to see a sinseh. I was given packets of herbs to bring home. Bach home, I boiled herbs which tasted bitter and unpleasant. I drank all of it telling myself that the herbs might help, that it was the cure to whatever infertility problem I had. At the hospital, Daddy had to provide sperm samples for analysis and it was very unpleasant for him to have to do it. But still, we didn't give up. We held hands and we pushed on, with daddy encouraging me whenever I felt like giving up.

Eventually the doctor said we should try IUI. It is a procedure where the doctor inserts daddy's sperm into mummy's cervix and hope they will swim as fast as they can to fertilise the egg. Still, it didn't work. Doctor said I was ready to proceed with more invasive methods. This led us to IVF. We didn't have much time to really digest this idea because my period came within the next week and we had to start the treatment on day 2 of my period. Mummy had to go through half a month or so of injections. I would not be honest if I said it didn't hurt. I had bruises all over my tummy, I was bloated and was tired all the time. But I prayed very hard. I asked God to be with me every step of the way. I leaned on God. He and daddy were my strength. Your Lola and Gong Gong were very nice to mummy. They wanted me to eat right, so they asked me to move back home so that they could take care of me. I am after all, their precious daughter and they must love me as much as I love you both. I would snuggle in bed with your Lola and tell her how painful the injections are. But I kept telling her and myself that as long as I can be pregnant, all this will be worth it. Maybe it had been God's plan all this while, for me to be pregnant with twins, hence leading me to IVF. I rested in everybody's love, especially in God's love, knowing that God is holding my hand and guiding me though this treatment. After the doctor extracted the eggs, they fertilised it with daddy's sperm and put it back to me. They showed us the 2 little embryos to be inserted into me. I thought you were so cute already and I loved you right from the beginning. I prayed that if God didn't want this pregnancy to happen, then I wouldn't be pregnant and then have to go through a miscarriage. Then I got greedy. I told God I couldn't bear losing any of you, so I prayed and prayed and prayed. But I knew that it is God's will and not mine. So I believed. I believed it will happen. I talked to both of you everyday, sending positive thoughts and hoping you both will stick. And as God would allow, I got pregnant with the both of you.

Everybody around us celebrated the pregnancy. But this pregnancy is not without any struggles. I puked and spent time with my head in the toilet vomiting. I suffered from indigestion, pimples outbreak and even more weight gain. But I am happy. I am very happy as I am typing this letter to you. Today, we celebrate the 12th week of my pregnancy. We have made it this far babies. My only hope for you both now is that you will be strong and healthy and grow as well as you possibly can. Know that all of us love you both so much already and we cannot wait for the day we can hold you in our arms.

I look forward to seeing you little ones on the 10th. Say hi to mummy and daddy while we peek into your little world. Show me your kicks and flips and somersaults. Show off to daddy and mummy and make us laugh, we love seeing you move around while being scanned. Once again, I love you both so much, and I haven't met you yet. But the day will soon come and you will read this e-letter. And you will know that we love you so much already.

- J.

The joys and woes of pregnancy.

"A mother's joy begins when new life is stirring inside.  When a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone."

I don't know who else is still reading my blog as I had been too lazy and tired to blog frequently. I'm on bed rest, yet again. This is because on Monday night I had heavy bleeding which landed me in the 24hrs O&G. I was given an injection and told to rest at home. On Tuesday morning, I woke up to pee and had fresh red blood coming out of me instead. This time I was less hysterical and told myself to stay calm for the babies. R took urgent leave from work and rushed over to mum's place to bring me back to the hospital. I was trying to remain calm but broke down when the doctor on duty said this was a threatened miscarriage. I think it's the word miscarriage or the mere thought of losing my babies that really freaked me out. I cannot put in words the kind of fear I felt, but I can only tell you that at that point, I was close to losing my composure. I kept sending good loving thoughts to babies and told them that I love them so so much and that I cannot handle it if they were to leave me. This probably helped, because despite the bleeding, they continue to have strong heartbeats and during the viability scan, they were dancing in the water bag and putting on a great show for us. One even seemed to wave at us as if to say "look mummy, we are fine! Don't you worry!" The happiness I felt when seeing their heartbeats and moving around is so great I felt as if nothing could touch us.

I was asked to lie in bed and was only given toilet privilege. Bleeding continued but i seemed to taper off and got lesser. I was actually enjoying my stay until, in the middle of the night, another patient was wheeled into the bed beside me. Apparently she is having a miscarriage and was losing her baby as her body is expelling it out of her. It was traumatising to hear the conversations between her and the doctor which because it's so loud I could hear snippets of it. Some of it included "oh, let me see the clot, it could be the water bag." Ok, FML. I really didn't need to hear such things, not when I am trying to assure myself that THAT wouldn't be happening to me. No way cause my babies and I are fighters and we will push on!

But looking at the bright side, during this visit to the hospital, I was scanned everyday so I got to see babies everyday for quite a while. It's because they have to do very detailed scans to ensure that the babies are fine. I was so happy to see that babies have grown so much! I could already see the outline of their bodies and visible hands and legs which seem to kick and move around so often! Regardless of what time the scan is, babies are always moving. So I am holding on to the reassurance I am getting from both of them. It's like they are saying "mummy, daddy, we're ok. Look we're moving! This always brings a smile to my face knowing that they are fine. My papi was so excited that he kept wanting to see the scan pictures. He took great delight in seeing their little hands and legs and kept saying the one who's moving more is definitely a boy and the more chillax one is definitely a girl. R and I also have the same feeling, because the more active one was the one who waved and put on a great show for us during scans. We concluded that he will be the more mischievous one and will be my favourite. R said the chillax one will be his favourite because she will be quiet and easy to handle. Hahaha. I said that the chillax one might bore me, so I definitely will have more fun with the active one. But we shall see. I love them both so much equally I am amazed that it is even possible with me. I know its a bit too early to read to them but I have since started so that they know their mummy is always with them. I took out my old "Childcraft encyclopedia" which has nursery rhymes to read to the babies. This is my first and last set of encyclopedia which I love so much which was given to me by my daddy, who would have bought me everything in the world I ask for if he had the means. His gift to me is a gift of reading, which helped me greatly because I never needed to study hard for English as the language itself came naturally to me. I hope that this will also be a gift for my children as they grow so they would learnt to love books as much as I do.

We'll be going for the OSCAR scan on the 10th August and before that will be seeing Dr Lau probably to follow up on the bleeding episode. I hope by then everything will be ok already and I can fully enjoy myself at the scan. I only pray for healthy babies at this point of time, which is really all I ask from God now. So God, if you are also reading this, please please please answer my prayer by ensuring the safety of the two babies in me. Thanks!

- J.